Resting in Awareness

Earlier this Fall, Joey and I went on a camping trip and left Laura with my parents for the weekend. It was a much needed getaway in the midst of a season of transition. I had a job interview for a new position the day after we came back, and it took everything in me to stay in the here-and-now and rest in the present. I’ve discovered over the years that there is sweet rest to be found in simply being aware. In the noticing without judging or thinking. In the simply being.

The following is an excerpt from my journal on the Saturday evening during this trip. It was me, a cup of red wine in a camping mug, a pen and paper, and my bare feet in the sand on the shore of Lake Keowee in Seneca, SC.

“I am resting in awareness of all that is, just as it is. Noticing the sound of the lake water as it meets the bank. The waves come up over my feet, so gentle and steady, and slide back into the lake. The rhythm of the waves so predictable. I’m resting in awareness of the way my feet feel in this red sand.

Resting in awareness of the multicolored leaves on the trees and their reflections painted over the water. Noticing the way little droplets of rain hit my face and dare to plop their way into my camping cup with my fancy red wine.

I rest in awareness of the thoughts that come in demanding to carry away my attention. I’m choosing to notice but not bother too much with them. I try not to entertain them, but in the moments that I do, I notice this and gently bring myself back to what I’m sensing and feeling in the moment. Back to the waves, back to the red and yellow trees, back to the book I’m trying to read.

It works… this resting in awareness.

I have a meeting in two days about a new position. It seems like every vacation I’ve been on this year has been on the verge of a new job transition. My mind, oh how it wants to wander into planning, into thinking and imagining. But I’m creating a boundary line here. I’m saying no to the doing and yes to the just being.

And I’m choosing to be gracious with myself when I don’t do this well. I’m choosing to accept that no matter how hard I try to just be, everything in me wants to do. To plan, prepare, to think. And that’s ok too… Resting in awareness of this tendency to grasp for control. To achieve, to work, to strive. I feel the pressure melting away as I stop fighting and just notice and accept.

And then I notice these two rocks on the bank of the lake right by my bare feet. How they stay grounded in the sand while the waves continually wash over them. This grabbed my attention so I wrote about this more…

“I love the way the water comes over these rocks, the small rocks resting on the bank. Perhaps this is what it looks like to just be in the midst of all the crazy.

To just let the water come over us, and instead of trying to fight or resist we let the waves come and go. We let the water wash over and even submerge us. We let the thoughts, memories, and experiences be just as they are, and we stay grounded with who we are and whose we are. This is the posture I want to embody.

Oh, let me just be like that little rock that sits so elegantly and confidently on the banks of the lake. Not fighting or resisting her experience, but letting it all happen just as it is. This is rest. This is true peace.

Let me be like this little rock.”