Every no is a yes to something else

It’s a Sunday morning and I’m sitting bare feet on our grassy property, pen in one hand, black tea in the other. Like so many other days in this beautifully messy mom life, its only 8:00am and today is already no going as planned.

I was scheduled to leave early this morning with a work colleague to attend an all day work retreat in Georgia. Although a long drive, I was looking forward to spending the day with my colleagues, hanging out at the pool, and just getting away for a day.

I was back and forth about attending during the days leading up, as this is a very busy season for our family. However, I committed to going because I didn’t want to miss out and I loved the people who would be there. I made the decision with my limits and longings and family’s needs in mind. And I thought it was a good one.

My colleague and I thoughtfully planned out the details and we were ready to leave early this morning. Childcare was planned, lunch packed, scheduled coordinated.

But then, at 5am this morning my daughter wakes up with a dry, scratchy cough. She cries out from her crib, “Mama!!”

I wearily hobble to her room, pick her up and hold her in her recliner. She’s not feeling well and I can see it all over her face. We lay there together, her face against mine, her warm breath on my cheek.

Two hours later, we’re still in the recliner. I text my colleague and supervisor letting them know I won’t be joining them today for the retreat as originally planned.

I gave a “no.”

This might not seem like a big deal to some. But “no’s” can still be hard for me, even at 32.

I don’t like changing plans and not following through on what I’ve committed to do. Taking sick days from work, for example, is sometimes the most agonizing decision. I hate canceling plans and I don’t like going back on what I’ve said I’ll do. I don’t like when my “no’s” affect other people.

But here’s the thing: every no is a yes to something else.

And this yes might actually be the thing we really need.

And… it’s ok to say no. It doesn’t make us bad people or bad friends. It actually frees us to set the boundaries we need to care for ourselves well — and to care for those we love well.

Our “no’s” are gifts.

Today, in my “no” to the retreat on a lakefront property in Georgia with a fancy pool, I said “yes” to spending another day with my daughter when she’s not feeling her best. I said “yes” to cuddles on the couch, a movie on the bed, and reading more stories.

I said “yes” to a few quiet moments outside before this day begins. I said “yes” to a slower day, a day of rest.

I think this is the “yes” I really do need, putting all the extra noise and voices aside.

Thank goodness for the “no’s” because of all the needed “yes’s” on the other side. The “yes’s” we didn’t know we needed until we learned about them through the “no’s.”

Where’s the “yes” in your “no” today?