I Can’t Have Control, But I Can Have Joy

I am in a season of waiting and wanting.

A season of contemplating job transitions.

A season of planning and letting go.

A season, as a family, of moving and (hopefully) bringing another child into this world.

A season of parenting our 18-month-old sassy toddler.

A season of bills and unexpected car problems.

I am learning, in this season of all the things, I can’t have mastery or full control.

What I can control, however, is joy.

Where is joy found?

Well, I know where it’s not.

It’s not found in the ruminating or the nagging of the husband. It not in the phone distractions or in the scrolling of Netflix. It’s definitely not in the overscheduling or overworking myself in attempts to escape the uncomfortability of it all. It’s not in the striving for perfection or trying to avoid “failure.”

Joy is found, instead in the moment-by-moment awareness of the here-and-now, the thankfulness over every meal and good night’s rest, the laughter with my friends, and in my husband’s big bear hugs.

Joy is found in the noticing of my daughter’s eye lashes when she’s falling asleep on me, and the long ringlet that falls over her face and always seems to have food trapped in it. Joy is in the birds singing outside announcing Spring, in the flowering of the pear trees in our front yard, and in the gift of life itself.

Joy is always right there in front of me.

I just have to choose it.