Live Like You Are Loved

“The great thing to remember is that though our feelings come and go God’s love for us does not.”

C. S. Lewis (2003). “A Mind Awake: An Anthology of C. S. Lewis”

Striving for Confidence

Do you wish you had more confidence? More assurance in yourself, and more boldness to live without fear or insecurity? Ever beat yourself for not being where you “should” be? Has someone ever told you to just “stop feeling” the way you do, or to just “have more confidence?”

If so, you, like so many of us trying to figure life out, have probably turned to self-help books, meditations, positive affirmations, journaling prompts, and Ted-talks to get past these feelings.

We try harder and harder to “do” better and reach the standards we set in our heads. These are all well and good, and there are many good tools out there to help us. But they will only take us so far on their own.

Ever since I was a young girl, I’ve been on a journey to find a sense of confidence in which I lack. I’ve lived consumed with what others think of me, falling into shame when I let people down. I’ve let doubt, insecurity, and chronic second-guessing have too loud of a voice, while continually questioning whether I am “enough.” I’ve tried to prove myself through my own efforts, achievements, and fought the nagging itch of needing to “do more.” I’ve let this voice get the best of me, which disrupted my self-image, relationships, marriage, and the way I see God.

This is exhausting. And no way to fully live.

Our culture craves confidence. Just walk through a self-help isle in the bookstore, or listen to the top trending podcasts and you’ll see how much we’re consumed with wanting to feel better about ourselves. We all want to live without insecurity, fear, or doubt.

So how do we cultivate this confidence? How do we live fully without all the critical voices tearing us down? How do we live well, reaching our full potential without selling ourselves short?

The Starting Place: Knowing You are Loved

I’ve learned, and am continuing to learn, that this type of confidence isn’t something we can muster up ourselves. I hate to say it, but left to our own efforts, we will never live up to the standards in our own heads, no matter how many positive affirmations we repeat or journal prompts we work through. There will always be a hole, a nagging voice yearning for a perfection we can never reach. No wonder this worldly quest for more confidence is never-ending. 

The type of genuine confidence and assurance we crave is only found when we begin to see ourselves as God’s beloved.

The Christian narrative reveals that we are seen, known, and deeply loved by the God of the universe. Our Heavenly Father sees us and calls us by name. He loves us far beyond our human capacities can fathom, even when we don’t think or feel the same about Him.

The truth, despite what we may think or feel, is that we are loved. The most beautiful thing about God‘s story of redemption is how we don’t have to do anything to be more loved or accepted than we already are. Despite how many times we fall short, or how critical we can be towards ourselves, nothing can separate us from the love of God (Romans 8:38). 

I recognize how this love can feel too good to be true. Or, perhaps it’s hard to feel or believe someone could love you this much. Hard things happen in this world, and this type of big love is not always reflected in our human relationships. 

But feelings lie, and we can’t trust our own thoughts and emotions to determine truth. According to C.S. Lewis, the most thing important thing to consider is not what we think about God, but how God thinks of us.

Act like you are loved, don’t wait until you feel like it

Instead of waiting until you  feel loved, I encourage you to first act like you are loved and let the feelings follow. Sometimes they do, sometimes they don’t. Feelings don’t determine truth, and that’s a good thing considering how often they waver!

 Do you wonder what a confident, more assured version of yourself would look like? Just consider who you would be if you lived as though you were deeply loved.

Do it, right now.

Imagine the way you would carry yourself, how you would speak, and what kinds of thoughts you would have about yourself and others. Consider how you would live your life. Notice the insecurities melting away in light of this beautiful reality, this perfect love covering you like a blanket.

When I act like I am loved, genuine confidence grows. I don’t have to force positive thoughts about myself, they are naturally ingrained in this reality, this new identity in which I live. This “loved” version of myself naturally speaks with assurance, boldness, and kindness. I know I am blessed, and I seek to serve and bless others from this place of love. I don’t strive for perfection, or beat myself up when I fall.  When failure inevitably comes, I learn and grow from it, recognizing that I am secure in the unending love God gives.

This loved version of myself knows she is loved, and this is all she really needs! 

If you struggle with confidence, insecurity, doubt, or fear, consider the way God sees you. Let go of the feelings you have about yourself, and start acting out the truth of the Gospel.

My dear, know you are precious in His sight. Be free, criticism no longer has to be the dominant voice in your head.  Start acting like you are loved. Do this enough, and watch, you’ll start to feel it more and more. Your confidence will grow, and you’ll shine brighter than you ever have before.