Being Anxious over Being Anxious

Being Anxious Over Being Anxious

For some, one of the harder fears to overcome might be the fear of feeling fear, or “being anxious over being anxious.” A fear of the anxiety creates and fuels anxiety itself, resulting in a never ending cycle: you fear anxiety, therefore you think about it constantly – which then generates more and more anxiety, thus reinforcing and refueling your anxious mindset.

This sort of anxiety can be quite cleaver, as it generates itself out of one’s own fear of it. While this cycle can turn anyone into a state of panic, it can be resolved. In fact, because it’s generated from within, perhaps its’ the type most within one’s control.

May the following tips provide you with some guidance as you learn to face this particular worry head on:

1. Name the Anxiety

The first step is to separate yourself from this form of anxiety by externalizing and naming it. This is a technique often used in “narrative therapy” which helps people separate themselves from their problems. By naming this internal force, “being anxious over being anxious,” you are shifting it to an external problem, rather than to an internal one. Distinguish this type of anxiety from other types you may experience. For example, if you feel anxious about an upcoming test, use a different name to identify this stresssor, such as the “test-tension-tightwad” (the goofier the better!).

For our other friend, “being anxious over being anxious” lets’ name it something different such as, the “fraidy-cat-fear,” the “anxious-angst” or the “manic-meerkat.” Again, the sillier the better, as this tricks our brains to fear this response less when we pair it to a less threatening name or symbol. When you sense this type of anxiety approaching, call it out. “Hey! I see you’re back again, manic meerkat! You can’t hide from me!” Take it a step further and draw this “manic-meerkat” (or other symbol you’ve created) on paper or visualize what this sneaky joker might look like in your mind.

2. Listen to what the Anxiety is Saying

This next step applies for almost any type of anxiety you may be experiencing, but especially for the “being anxious over being anxious” type. By generating this type of anxiety, what is your body and mind attempting to tell you? Is this anxiety somehow connected to your inner child? If so, what is this child attempting to tell you? Has there been a time in your life when anxiety has dominated and led to an embarrassing moment or inescapable feeling of dread? Then its’ no wonder you’re fearing this feeling! Anxiety at its’ worst can lead to irrational and impulsive decisions, disrupt close relationships, induce chronic insomnia, and wreak havoc on one’s health. Your body, mind, and/or inner child might be expressing a fear of repeating this pattern. Can you blame them? Rather than denying these thoughts or attempting to push them away, extend a listening ear. Pay attention to any thoughts or memories that come up as you process the source of this anxiety. Create space for your body, mind, and soul to collaborate together and uncover the roots of this issue. And most importantly, don’t attempt to change what comes up; just observe and acknowledge the thoughts and memories for what they are.

3. Don’t Run from it

This is one of the most important steps to remember. Fear fuels anxiety; hence, this is why we have the “anxious over being anxious” problem in the first place. Rather than fearing anxiety or panic, welcome it. Talk back to it, not with the intention of scaring it away, but with the goal of giving it space to let loose. Confidently claim your ability to tolerate the anxiety, in whatever shape it might come. Say to it, “I see you. come on if you must – I’m not afraid of you” or “Let’s go! Bring it on!”

Think of this like a Chinese finger trap. If you’re not familiar with this device, the finger trap was historically used to play practical jokes on people by trapping victim’s fingers in both ends of a small cylinder, woven from bamboo. The first reaction of the victim is usually to pull outwards to try and escape the hold, but this only tightens the trap. The only way to truly free yourself from this grip is to relax the fingers, and push the ends towards the middle, which enlarges the opening and frees the fingers. In a similar way, don’t try to run from the feelings of anxiety; this will only trap you deeper into its’ hold. Instead, lean into the anxiety itself, letting it do what it wants. In this way, you’ll be one step closer to freedom.

4. Ground Your Breath and Five Senses

Is the anxious over being anxious mindset keeping you trapped in a future-oriented state? Usually it does, for anxiety in general is a pro at that. In response, ground your breath by turning inwards, tuning into the inhale and exhale. Remember to lengthen your exhale to double the count of your inhale. Experience the belly rise and fall as you inhale through the nose….hold…. and exhale through the mouth. Generate awareness into your five senses, spending at least a few moments on each. Spend a few minutes with this practice any time your mind starts to wander.

5. Explore “Worst-Case” Scenarios

Often times, it can be helpful to think through worst-case scenarios to your “anxious over being anxious” state.” Usually, the outcome isn’t as bad as you may think. For example, what’s the worst possible thing that could happen from a panic attack? You may feel quite awful in the moment, and perhaps might embarrass yourself. Let’s say your sleep also suffers for a few days, you experience poor concentration, and you feel ill for much of the day. Can you handle this? Have you done it before? If the answer is “yes,” then you’ve got the strength in you to move through it. You’ve done it before, and you can do it again!

6. Speak Peace to your Body and Mind

Our bodies and mind are incredibly complex and interconnected in remarkable ways. When our minds wear down from constantly ruminating and obsessing, our bodies also take the hit. When you’re feeling a sense of panic over what the future might hold, or fearing a future oriented state of anxiety, bring yourself back into the present moment. Cultivate peace throughout your body and mind, whether it be through a meditation, song, or dance. In these moments, I will place my hands on any part of my body experiencing tension or fear (usually my stomach and head) and recite a variation of John 14:27, meditating on the phrase, “peace I give you.” In alignment with step 3 above, welcome any anxiety as it comes, while also encouraging and supporting your body’s ability to handle it. Engage in a spiritual practice similar to this one to further encourage a peaceful state of mind.

7. Develop your own Anti-Anxiety Toolkit

If you don’t already have a go-to anti-anxiety toolkit, now is the time to invest in one. Think of this process as assembling your troops for battle! Gather up your lavender and frankincense oils, grow some lemon balm and rosemary, memorize calming Scripture, carve out regular time for exercise, and practice daily mindfulness. Utilize your toolkit in whatever way works best for you. If you want to get real fancy, create your own portable anti-anxiety bag with all of the necessities and keep it close during moments of stress or panic.

8. Adapt Thought-Shifting Practices

I am hesitant to use the phrase “thought stopping” when addressing strategies to help cope with anxiety. If you’ve ever tried to halt a nagging thought, chances are, the thought may momentarily dissipate, but soon returns with a vengeance.

For example, if I told you “don’t think about a chocolate chip cookie,” guess what? I bet you’re now thinking about a chocolate chip cookie. Same goes with our thoughts, especially the “anxious over being anxious” ones. Rather than attempting to change these thoughts, shift them towards a new idea or distraction. Name the thought when it moves by your awareness (see step #1), make note of its’ presence, and shift your mental energy onto something else. This can still be a tricky thing to do, but the more you work at it, the easier it will be.

You can also schedule something called “worry time” which can help compartmentalize the anxious thoughts. To do this, carve out 5-10 minutes a day where you just focus on a particular worry or anxious thought. If the thought pops up at any other time in the day, take note of it, and state to yourself, “I’ll think about this during my scheduled worry time,” while then shifting towards something else. By practicing this type of schedule, you’ll give the worry the space it needs to express itself, but within the right boundaries and time frames. During your “worry time,” refer back to step #2 and pay attention to what it keeps trying to communicate to you. Remember to be gentle and kind.

9. Embrace this “Boot-Camp” for the Mind

Once you tame the “anxious over being anxious” mindset, you’ll gain greater control over your own body and mind. Think of this process like a “boot camp” for the mind. By learning the skills and techniques to successfully overcome this worry, you’re setting yourself up for success in the long run. Other types of stressors or worries may feel like a breeze compared to this one. Fretting and obsessing over aspects outside of our control will only lead to bondage and more fear. Use this experience as a catalyst for a deeper freedom.

10. Visualize Success

Here’s the bottom line. If the loudest voice in your head is “I can do this,” then you will. In contrast, if you primarily focus on the possibility of something awful happening, chances are, it will. In the midst of negative voices and fearful possibilities, visualize yourself conquering each challenge as it comes, bravely and boldly. Think of yourself as the old-fashioned Mario on your Nintendo classic. Picture yourself gracefully prancing around the deadly turtle shells and sudden drop-offs. Utilize your mushrooms (aka toolkit from #7) along the way, and celebrate the small victories or each “level up.” Meditate on the goals you plan to achieve each day, and visualize the mindset you seek to sustain. The more you meditate and cultivate successful mindsets, the closer your reality will match this perspective. You will essentially become what you envision.

Life is full of unexpected challenges. We can’t control the storms of life, but as captains, we can confidently claim the course of our ships. The “anxious over being anxious” mindset doesn’t have to rule you any longer. When it tries, smile and remind yourself, “I’ve got this.”