Ephesians 3: The Love of Christ

In Ephesians chapter 3, Paul prays this beautiful prayer over the Ephesians:

 I pray that out of [God’s] glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

Ephesians 3:16-19

Here, Paul speaks to the love of Christ being very real — with width, length, height, and depth. Spurgeon writes to this, “Alas, to a great many religious people the love of Jesus is not a solid substantial thing at all – it is a beautiful fiction, a sentimental belief, a formal theory, but to Paul it was a real, substantial, measurable fact; he had considered it this way, and that way, and the other way, and it was evidently real to him, whatever it might be to others.”

Paul knew this love, and it was central to his teaching and ministry.

Friend, do you know this love? To know the love of Christ changes everything.

Trust me.

Our need for attachment

Even from our beginnings, woven into our developmental framework and hardwired into our brains, is a need to be loved.

When we are loved and cared for as children, when our earliest relationships embody warmth, care, and attunement, a foundation is set for flourishing. This nurturing environment provides us with a sense of security and emotional well-being, enabling us to develop strong foundations for our future relationships and personal growth.

As we grow, the love and support we receive from our caregivers shape our beliefs about ourselves and the world around us. It instills in us a deep sense of self-worth and confidence, allowing us to navigate life’s challenges with resilience.

Furthermore, the love and care we experience during our formative years lay the groundwork for our ability to form healthy and fulfilling connections with others. When we receive affection and attention from our loved ones, we learn to trust and rely on others, fostering a sense of belonging and connection.

However, it is important to acknowledge that not everyone has had the privilege of growing up in such nurturing environments. Adverse childhood experiences or neglect can have long-lasting effects on us, impacting our emotional well-being and ability to form healthy attachments.

Even if we grew up with less-than-ideal relationships, however, we’re never stuck.

Earned secure attachment

Attachment researchers reveal how we can still find comfort in secure relationships as adults, even if we didn’t have them in our childhood. Our past doesn’t have to define our current experiences or relationships. In the realm of attachment language, there is something called an “earned secure attachment” which refers to the secure relationships we can develop as adults.

Let me tell you, friend, this “earned secure attachment” is what the Lord continually offers us in the most beautiful way. Best thing is we don’t have to “earn” it. It’s always there waiting for us.

Here, the Father comes to us in our messy relationships and failures, draws near to us, and says we are so deeply loved apart from anything we could ever do. He steps into our longings, strivings, and tells us we can rest in him. No matter what our relationships looked like growing up, we all have a Father who loves and seeks relationship with us.

I catch just a glimpse of this when I look at my own daughter. When I watch her do the simplest things in her own eyes — like crawling around our living room, waving and saying “hi,” painting a picture, or even just looking at me — a deep love and admiration for her wells up inside me. She doesn’t have to do anything special, she doesn’t have to do anything at all! I look at her and I love her just as she is.

This is how the Father sees us. Apart from anything special we could even do, and anything awful we’ve ever done, he loves us. We are his masterpieces.

He welcomes us into his family and calls us sons and daughters. He makes a way for us all to enter into a secure relationship with him. He satisfies the four S’s: our need to be safe, soothed, seen, and secure.

The love of Christ changes everything

Consider this friend, for just a moment. If you knew that you were loved, regardless of anything that you do, or don’t do, how would this change the way that you see yourself? The way that you talk to yourself? The way that you interact with the people in your life, the work you do, and the values you hold?

If you struggle to believe this about yourself, you are not alone.

In my previous article, Live Like You Are Loved, I write about the importance of acting out the fact we are loved, even if we don’t feel it. We shouldn’t wait until we feel God’s love to let it change us. The neat thing about it all is that our feelings may follow as we act his love out in our lives.

It has taken me a good 31 years to know this kind of love that Paul describes. I have only scratched the surface, only tasted a drip, but what I know about this love is that is is more life-giving and freeing than anything else I have ever tasted.

The love of Christ empowers me more than any self-help book I’ve ever read, calms my mind more than any coping skill I’ve tried, satisfies the striving deep within I could never put words to, yet built my life around trying to fix, solve, and quench.

His love fits my soul like a puzzle piece, making me whole. Apart from Him, I am incomplete, lacking, striving for something or someone else to fill the crevices.

Truly, his love is what shephards my faith and keeps me believing during seasons of doubt. My need to be loved unconditionally, more than my best attempts and biggest failures is so great and central to my humanity. This need is satisfied to some degree by the wonderful people in my life, but never fully. And this need — it’s not just for someone to love me, but to rescue me, to free me, to show me a way forward amidst the chaos and confusion of this world. To give me true hope and peace.

If I am honest with myself, I need all of this just as much as I need my next breath.

The only person who could begin to satisfy these needs is Christ. No one else is capable of being all of this in one. I know there is something called water because I am thirsty for it on a hot summer day. I know there is something called sleep because I get tired for it at night. I know the love of God is real because I deeply ache for it, and without it, I become so ill and hopeless. If he is the only person who can satisfy — if Christ’s love is what truly brings healing and life— then it all must be true. Our struggle to feel or believe his love at times doesn’t make it any less true.

Just as Augustine once said, “You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our heart is restless until it rests in you.”

Join with me and dwell in his love, friend. It changes everything.