Waiting for a Baby

I’m coming into my 3rd trimester next week with our first baby girl, Laura Marie.

I praise God for a healthy pregnancy and for carrying me and baby Laura this far. What a joy it’s been to feel her move and grow. Words can’t fully describe how this feels. With each week, her movements become more vibrant and lively. I think I’m starting to get a taste of her personality, even now 🙂

This has been such a sweet season for me and Joey. We recently moved into a new house on my family’s land in the country, and have been settling into the idea of being parents. It’s been a season of growth for both of us. There’s nothing like having a child on the way to motivate you to get your life together real quick.

We’re working on letting go of patterns of the past that hold us back, and trying to lean into the characteristics we hope to embody for Laura. It’s been both a season of rest and refinement. And a season of waiting…

Approaching Motherhood

I wish there was a phrase to describe the type of waiting that happens when you’re expecting for the first time. There’s nothing really like it. I’ve termed it, “waiting with anticipation” for this new journey I’ve never experienced before, nor know how to plan for. As I watch my belly move in response to Laura’s happy jumping, I feel overjoyed and excited for the moment when I finally get to see her face. I also feel quite powerless as there is little I can actually control in this birth process, and no way of knowing what motherhood will feel like.

It’s like I’m running down the beach for the first time towards the ocean. The closer I get to the waves, the more excited (and nervous) I become, as I have no way of knowing what this new body of water will feel like. I can’t see the currents underneath, nor do I realize how salty this water will taste. But I keep running because there’s no turning back now.

I’m sure I’ll splash and high kick the initial waves and absolutely love it. But I also know that there will be times when I fall flat on my face and be forced to let the waves ride over me until low tide comes. Just like the sea, there will be high’s, and there will low’s. I hope to learn how to embrace them all.

I feel all the feelings and I’m just ready to dive in. I’m ready for this this. But I’m not ready at the same time. This is best way I can describe this season of parenthood. I wonder, does it ever change?

A Season of Waiting

In this season, I’m waiting, with patience, despite feelings of this pregnancy lasting forever. Nine months is a LONG time.

I’m waiting, with eagerness, to enter into motherhood and join in the journey with all the amazing mothers and grandmothers in my life who have gone before me. I’m thankful for so many women in my life who have served as role models for me.

I’m waiting with love, because when I lean into loving Laura just as she is right now, there’s less room for fear.

I’m waiting with questions over what’s next for my work and career, trying not to plan and think through every little detail.

I’m waiting with grace, trying not to put too many expectations on myself or her, recognizing that her life is a gift to be nurtured and loved, not controlled or “perfected.” This is hard.

I’m waiting, with anticipation, for my life to change, forever.

As my husband would say, “I’m ready for the unreadiness” as I get closer and closer to diving in to this wide open, beautifully terrifying sea.